You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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