If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
