third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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