If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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