then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
whose parrot is this?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
