A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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