just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is it penis luge time yet?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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