Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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