And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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