My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
