sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Shame - the story of my life.
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