well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
