cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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