if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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