I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
