i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize