I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
