Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I love how my cats smell like pot.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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