Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
