we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
