just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
