If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
