apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
