Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
