I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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