thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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