New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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