yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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