So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize