so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize