Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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