hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
