So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
