Your tits are I can't wait for
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
