If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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