smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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