You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
