Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
