I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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