can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
