I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
