she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
