how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
