I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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