I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
