Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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