I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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