after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
