Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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