I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
