she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
