I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
