Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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