Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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