my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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