sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
