and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
