Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
