I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
