I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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