You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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