haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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