I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize