HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
