she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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